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Even though it hurts to admit it, the reality is that not all relationships have a happy ending. You want to start over but can’t find the strength to let go. After being with your partner for so long, just the thought of moving on leaves a bitter taste in your mouth and a clenching feeling in your stomach. Scarred, your breakup forces you to question everything about your love life.

Where did things go wrong? Why wasn’t your bond strong enough to endure?

Here’s the thing. Letting yourself get hung up on a relationship that wasn’t great from the start will get you nowhere. It’s not going to bring him back—and if it was rocky in the first place, you shouldn’t want it to.

After being in a series of bad relationships, how can you learn to trust love again?

Put your breakup into perspective. Sometimes, we tend to ignore the mental and emotional anguish we felt during the coarse of our relationships for the sake of reminiscing on the good times (however few they were) we shared with our partner. Be honest with yourself: Is rehashing really doing you any favors?

That’s why a reality check is definitely in order. Don’t gloss over the times where his distant behavior—in the bedroom and in general—left you feeling self-conscious and unloved.

Luckily for you, although trying to get to that place of acceptance and figure out what comes next can feel super tricky, it IS possible.

In fact, author John Gray, YourTango’s Senior VP Melanie Gorman, Divorce and Breakup Coach Lindsey Ellison, International Dating and Love Life Coach Suzanne Mueller-Heinz and Emotional Intelligence Renee Jain stress that even though it may not feel like it at first, you can break out of that vicious cycle.

If you want to stop going from one bad relationship to another, start asking yourself some serious questions:

Is there an underlying truth as to why you keep going after the same type of guys?

Did you play a part in the decline of your relationship?

How can I finally move on and avoid making the same mistakes?

There’s no doubt that their spot on advice will help you come to terms with everything and actively make changes in your love life. At the end of the day, some relationships are learning lessons.

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